If your husband struggles with homosexual feelings and same sex attraction, it may feel as if he is your friend, not your lover. One wife told me that she felt her husband was “more like her brother than a husband.” This can be scary because it begins to feel to the wife that she is not desirable and that it must be something about her. The truth is that it is not about you, it is about his fear of intimacy with women because of the “over connection” with his mother or female friends in his life during childhood, adolescence, early adulthood, etc. See, if your husband struggles with attraction to other men, he may have become “one of the girls” when he was growing up. This is not an insult to him, it is just a fact. When a boy’s primary caregiver is only his mother, when his primary support system is girls, then he begins to identify with them only. This causes a feeling of awkwardness or rejection when even thinking about being “sexual with a girl”. Many men who struggle have mentioned, “I could not have sex with a woman… it would be like having sex with my sister!”

This can be overcome however. It takes patience on both the part of the husband and the wife and it takes courage for both as well. Patience to be willing to wait as your husband explores his sexuality with a woman and begins to explore how he feels and how he is supposed to feel, and courage for both of you because… well, for you husband you are going to have to press into your wife and venture into sex with a female that may feel uncomfortable to you at times. This will take significant prayer and perseverance. Don’t down yourself if you fail at times or don’t attain what you think you should each time; you will! Wives, it will take courage on your part to overcome your feelings of being “undesirable” and acknowledge that this is your husband’s issue. However, your feelings are real and should be acknowledged. Also, you will need courage wives to not let your husband off the hook! Keep discussing with him the need to press into you and let him know what you need. Guys, this does not always feel good, in fact, at times it feels downright awful because you feel like a failure, but wives, keep talking about it and letting him know. Pray often and give grace as needed. God has a master plan for your sex life and for your marriage. Don’t let same-sex attraction or “homosexuality” get in the way of a potentially great relationship that will definitely take work!

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