I was talking with a friend of mine yesterday and we were discussing “quiet times”… You know those things that churchy people have determined that everyone must have to be able to form a relationship with God. He was relaying to me the notion that he feels very guilty and like a failure when he does not get up in the morning to have his quiet time with his Lord.  You know, something struck me as he was talking… Wow, if I had a best friend and I always felt guilty because I didn’t spend enough time with him, then I would probably start feeling like I just didn’t want to be around him at all. As we were talking, I remembered feeling that same way when I was caught up in a “mandatory” quiet time. You see, I believe that Jesus is my best friend and my Father in Heaven is truly my Loving Dad! So, why would I feel “obligated” to have a “quiet time” with him? I am not sure that there is supposed to be “obligation” in love… motivation maybe, desire for sure. But obligation… duty… requirements… just doesn’t feel right to me.

My God is my lover, He is my hope and He is my Dad… He leaves me feeling alive and free and hopeful and joyful and needy and sad because I want to be closer to Him. Thank you God that I no longer feel duty or obligation, but desire. You see the next time you are putting God in the “Church Box” as I call it, remember that He doesn’t want you to feel obligated to sit with him and then beat yourself up when you don’t get up in time or are distracted by whatever else is going on around you. He wants you to long to spend time with him and want to talk with him. Guess what? I can do that every minute of everyday. I can pray in the 10 minutes I have before I go to bed or I can talk with Him as I am writing this blog! Wow, that’s a true friend… He will never leave us nor forsake us. That means He is always there - not just at 6am in the morning when others have told me I am supposed to be “with God”. Think about it… would you rather have a friend that only talks to you because someone told him that he must and then he only meets with you at a “prearranged time”? Or would you rather have a friend that wants to talk to you and can’t wait to see you and talks to you any chance he gets, regardless if its for an hour or 10 minutes? I want a friend that desires to see me and can’t wait to talk to me. I think Jesus deserves that as well and I know my Dad loves it when His children come to Him when they want to, not in obligation. That’s why He gave us free will.

Worried that you need to be obligated to do a “quiet time” because then you might find you don’t really want to spend a lot of time with God? Ask Him to change that in your heart… He is faithful to do that as well. You see, I found that there was very few things I could do on my own, even loving Him well was something He taught me! He’s good at that… He is also my Teacher!

Galatians 5:22-23 says that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³gentleness and self-discipline. Doesn’t that mean the Holy Spirit produces this fruit? It doesn’t say the fruit of “Me” is love, peace, patience, etc. I think as I get to know Jesus and ask the Holy Spirit to draw me closer to Him, I will begin to listen more closely to Him and I will desire to know Him and talk with Him. Remember, friendship is a 2-way street right? There may be times He calls me and says, “I want to talk with you today”. It is then that I also grow in my desire to listen to Him during those times because I can’t wait to talk with Him! Just be careful that you don’t live under rules and regulations of whens and hows! Love is a great motivator… let Him show you!

El Shaddai! That is one of the name’s of God but what does it mean. He is the God of the Supernatural! When Moses passed through the Red Sea on dry ground, that was El Shaddai that did that. When Balaam’s donkey spoke to him to warn him of the Angel of the Lord, El Shaddai did that. El Shaddai is a name given to the attribute of God that speaks of His supernatural power. The power that cannot be challenged and is not challenged by the boundaries of the natural world.

El Shaddai! That’s the name of the God that I need in my life, because sometimes it feels as if I need supernatural assistance - help that does not have to remain within the boundaries of time, space, and matter. Luckily my Dad is not a God bound by this earth or the circumstances in it. Jehovah is a God that sees brokenness and steps up to the plate to perform the miracles… to restore what’s been lost, to renew that which has grown old, and to move heaven and earth to redeem what’s been stolen. When this world says no, God says yes. When reality says never, God says not so fast. Been told lately that you were born that way? God says, “I know exactly how you were born because I made you - I can renew”. Been told lately that you will never… God says “I know the future and you will.” Have you been told that you can’t be healed? Ask the Great Physician - He still heals.

You see I believe that God is a God of impossibilities made possible. Fears turn to faith. Hopelessness turns to rays of hope. If we live in the realm of what we see, then we will miss the fantastic opportunities of the unseen. You see for many years I asked God to free me from sexual addiction and desires that were not His best for me. I had begun losing all hope and had even began to feel that He was wrong and that what I thought He promised in His Word was not for me. Then I met El Shaddai first hand. He met me right where I was, no condemnation, no shame, no demands to “change or else”. He offered me His supernatural love and His ever changing hope. Time stood still… hope restored… life rearranged… He did all that just for me. He can do it for you too, no matter your circumstance or your brokenness.

The need to control runs deep in my veins. Simple tasks get turned into arguments and frustration as I attempt to grasp on to any fragments of security that so easily seem to slip through my fingers. Why do I have to be in control in the first place? Well, I have thought about this many times and have realized that although, I don’t like to admit it, I like having my way. Now, this is just the tip of the iceberg regarding the need to control, but it is an important piece. The need to have my way seems to have its roots deeply intertwined in selfishness and perfectionism. Okay, you may be saying… Hey Lee, we already know this - what are you really trying to say?” Well, I guess as I began to see my need to control, I realized that its not just a ravenous appetite for power over others and situations, it seems to be rooted in hurt and fear. See, it seems as though if someone is selfish then they are just mean and spoiled right? They have gotten their way one too many times; they have always gotten what they wanted and demanded their own way. Well, there are those responses, true. Some who have always gotten what they want, now demand to continue to get what they want otherwise they are angry, hurt, etc. They come into a situation and demand their own way and immediately attempt to secure control of the situation. However, some never got their own way but still desire and search out control in a situation. Are these folks spoiled? I don’t think so; I think they just long for a sense of “footing” so as to not be afraid or get hurt.

See, I thought about this type of root of control and I wasn’t quite sure how to handle this. I don’t claim to know everything there is about control, but I do know I like it, as much as you can like a pit bull that can turn on you any minute. I lived alone for many years between my first marriage and second marriage. The time I spent alone (except for having my beautiful daughter ever other weekend and on Wednesdays) was my time to be in complete control. If I wanted to cook, I could, if not I could eat out. If I wanted to clean, I could, if not I wouldn’t. I had my routine, everything fell into place. My daughter would come over in the morning, I would get her ready for school, we would eat breakfast, I would drop her off, go to work, then come home and begin my routine. Everything worked on a schedule.  I knew what to expect and so i never got hurt. Even a lot of those I hung around liked control and therefore we were their for one another as long as we worked into each other’s schedules and wants, and expectations. However, we could quickly redirect or reschedule should someone’s needs not fit into our control equation.

Love means not being in control. Now, I know I don’t fully understand this as of yet, but I am trying. Control is a fear response… if I can control how everything in my life goes, even down to those who are in and out of my life and how they respond then I am never disappointed. You see, I began to see that I was not able to handle disappointment. What disappointment you ask? Well, if someone did not respond to me in a way that made me feel good or acceptable. Additionally, if someone didn’t or wouldn’t do what I wanted them to do, then I would be disappointed. Sometimes, it is comes down to the “picture” you expect for life… if your picture is always the way you want it then you don’t have disappointment or hurt or fear that this will happen. If your picture is not the way you want it, then you begin to try and control the picture and those involved. Make sense?

The bottom line? Well, control prevents love. Control also dampens faith. You see, faith says I am trusting you God to provide, to plan, and to prosper. Control says that I must maneuver and manipulate the picture and others to do what I want them to do so that I won’t get hurt. Unfortunately, the control takes over and I become the god of my hour, day, future! Control also says that I will prevent you from hurting me or from disappointing me by ensuring that you are who I want you to be, not who our Father made you to be! That only tells those in your life that you are less than satisfied with who they are, but would rather them be something of your design. Sounds kind of sad right? I don’t like you the way you are, I want you to be something different otherwise I am disappointed and I am unable to love you. Sounds harsh, but that is a big message sent by controlling people… if you do this, that, and this then I love you; if not then you disappoint me and I feel less satisfied with you. See the underpinnings of perfectionism? It’s there. Be perfect, be my design, do what I want… then I can fully love you. That’s an uncomfortable message and it leads those around you to feel like they are not good enough or that they fall short just by being who God created them to be. Next time you want your loved ones to be who they aren’t remember that God made them exactly the way they are - He is the great Designer, the Almighty Artist, the Great Weaver of the Tapestry of who we are. I would much rather have His design in my life than anyone else’s. Love well, control less, and be who God intended!

I was driving to work today listening to the radio and heard the song “Slow Fade” by Casting Crowns. It brought tears to my eyes. What is a slow fade? It is a glance, a momentary lapse in judgement, an intruding thought… it is one degree to the left that destroys mind, body, spirit, and soul, little by little.  The song’s lyrics “people never crumble in a day” is so convicting because we don’t realize what one look, one thought, one glance will do to our purity, our lives, our faith, and our relationships. Read the rest of this entry »